I just got home from church and eating Mexican for the second time today. Just in case you didn’t already know this, if you eat at a Mexican restaurant, at least this one in particular, you ain’t gonna’ be able to hide it from anyone. As I sit here writing, I can smell myself. I can only imagine how the people at the grocery store could smell me. Anyway, let’s move on.
Gigi and I went to one of the 28,352 Dollar (fill in the blank) stores in our area the other night. I love going to these stores because where else can you buy a watch, or a toy, or party favors, or pet supplies, or any number of other things for only a dollar? We bought some things for my daughter’s 3rd birthday party Friday night and may I just say, WHAT A BARGAIN! We also bought some Dial antibacterial bars of soap and a few other items. As we walked around the store I saw many items that we normally buy at Wal Mart or the Winn and Dixie (as a friend’s grandmother called it) and the thought entered my mind, “Why don’t we buy everything here at the dollar store?” Does anyone have the answer to that question? I’m sure there is a logical explanation. Here in Wetumpka, there is a Wal Mart Supercenter right next door to the dollar store. I wonder why the dollar store isn’t overrun with people buying all the things there for a dollar that cost a good bit more at Wal Mart.
Anytime I stand in any line at any store like Wal Mart or Target I am always tempted to buy, and often do, a Twix bar or some chewing gum or maybe one of those various sticks of meat that are always near the check-out line. I realized the other night that when I’m in line at the dollar store, I never even consider the items there because apparently the candy and gum at the dollar store is not up to par with the candy and gum at the big-box retail stores. I mean, if I can buy the four-pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups at Dollar General for a buck when they may cost four times as much at Wal Mart then something has to be wrong with them, right?
If I buy the toothpaste at Dollar Tree, will it cause the enamel to just slide right off of my teeth into my Diet Dr. Pepper, purchased at Winn Dixie by the way, resulting in my never being able to eat Mexican food again? Not that no Mexican food would be a bad thing necessarily.
Do the gummie bears contain an unusually high level of DDT or some other birth defect causing chemical. Benzene, maybe? Perhaps strychnine?
What happens if I somehow muster up the courage to buy a bag of the various kinds of potato chips they have at the dollar store? Upon putting one of these chips into my mouth am I going to suddenly be stricken ill by salmonella or trichinosis or develop some horrible Olestra type symptoms?
Is the bottled water there flown in after being scooped directly out of a mud hole in the most impoverished, malaria-stricken, desolate, built-on-a-dump African nation? Will I get leprosy just by getting a drop of it in my skin and suffer a horrible, rapid death within minutes if I dare take a sip?
Is all their merchandise made in China?
And the soap. We bought the soap. I have now bathed with the soap no less than four times. Did anyone who saw me at church today think that I didn’t look clean the way that Kid Rock never seems to look clean. Did I stink? More than usual, I mean. The bar looks and feels just like the ones we always buy at Wal Mart. Since it’s anti-bacterial, does it only kill 75% of the germs rather than 99.9% like the good stuff? I need to know.
It’s tough to beat the price at the dollar stores. There aren’t many things in the world you can buy for a dollar anymore. To have a store where everything they sell only costs a dollar seems like a deal that is just too good to pass up. Which brings me back to my question: Why aren’t people just breaking down the doors to buy the merchandise in the dollar store?
Here is what I know for sure. We ventured out and bought soap this time. We haven’t ventured out and bought much else other than a pack of green army men or some skewers or something. Anything that you eat or drink or put on a cut, those type things we always get at a big store. I’m not sure why and I’m hoping someone out there can shed a little light on the subject for me. Anyway, gotta’ go now. I’ve developed several oozing sores on my back since my shower this morning. Not sure what’s going on with that but I need to run to Wal Mart and get some Neosporin.