Bringin’ the Pain with my College Football Picks of the Week!

These are my seven, totally baseless, unresearched college football picks for today. Well, maybe a little bit of a base. Based on what little bit of ESPN Gameday I might pay attention to that doesn’t involve the University of Alabama or what I might skim over in the paper. Why only seven? Because my OCD dictates it, that’s why. I could try and explain the whole number issues regarding prime numbers, good and bad numbers, and numbers that are multiples of six or seven but it would take several paragraphs. So, suffice it to say that seven is a good number and it is what I settled on. Here they are…

  • Georgia at Tennessee: Gotta’ take the Dawgs in this one. Not the old, scruffy hound named Smokey, but the rough and tough UGA XIIIXIIVVI or whichever number they’re on now. I hate Tennessee. I hate orange, I hate checker boards, and they some snitches. Need I say more? If so, refer to this video.
  • Auburn at Arkansas: Remember that part about me hating orange? ‘Nuff said. With apologies to my many Auburn friends, if Auburn played Wetumpka’s 7th grade team, I’m afraid I’d have to pick the Indians. This will be the case week in and week out. I pick with my heart, not my head.
  • Florida at LSU: Did you ever just have a feeling about something with nothing to really base it on? Me, too, and they’re usually way off base, but I’m having one of those feelings now. LSU is located in Baton Rouge. Baton Rouge is about an hour and a half from New Orleans. I love New Orleans. Great food. Great music. I love it. For that reason, I’d love to say LSU wins this one and stays undefeated when they collide with my beloved Tide in Tuscaloosa. Gotta’ go with the gut feeling on this one. Which likely means LSU wins in a walk. Hey, no guts, no glory, right? Gators chomp the Tigers.
  • Kentucky at South Carolina: If the Gamecocks completely lay down against Kentucky the way the did against Auburn, expect the Cats to prevail. In fact, the aforementioned 7th grade Indians might prevail in that case. Spurrier has decided to let Garcia have a seat for at least the beginning of this game and may I say, IT’S ABOUT TIME!!! You never know what you’re gonna’ get when SC takes the field. They’ll be able to do enough today, sans Garcia, to whip the Mildcats who are already looking forward to March Madness.
  • Iowa at Penn State: Iowa is trekking to Happy Valley, the home of Joe Paterno who happens to be the oldest living man in North America. Is he anything more than a figurehead at this point? A not-so-subtle reminder of glory days past? Heck, he didn’t even have on the dark glasses as he sat, without even a headset on, in the press box a few weeks ago when the Crimson Tide rolled into town. A friend always told me he thought Paterno wore the dark glasses to hid his eyes which were actually just empty sockets with actual fire in them. Methinks the fire has gone. I say the Hawkeyes win.
  • Maryland at Georgia Tech: Wetumpka’s own Tevin Washington is Tech’s QB. I’m a homer and I hate Maryland’s stupid, ugly uniforms. Ramblin’ Wreck wrecks the Turtles.
  • Vanderbilt at Alabama: This ain’t a math test, it’s SEC football! ROLL TIDE!
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