Have you held the door open for a lady walking into a restaurant?

Maybe given a child a quarter to get a piece of gum from the gum-ball machine?

Or, perhaps you have slowed down considerably to keep from hitting that squirrel who can’t decide which way to go to get out of the way of your car?

If so, then I have good, no, GREAT news!

You have an excellent chance at winning the Nobel Peace Prize!

You might ask, “What are the qualifications?”

To which I would answer, “Apparently, there are no qualifications.” Or, “Pretty much the same as the qualifications to be the President of the United States.”

Heck, at least Jimmy Carter built a bunch of houses for people. Mr. Obama…well…he…umm…organized his community! That’s it! He organized  his community, drank a beer with a cop, and smoked lots of cigarettes! Other than these things, his most notable accomplishments have been unsuccessfully, thus far, trying to ramrod a ridiculous, government run health care plan through congress, traveling around the world apologizing for the United States being the best, most benevolent country on the planet, and calling for a college football playoff. Oh, and did I mention that he drank a beer with a cop?

The Nobel Prize, for whatever credibility it had left after awarding the prize to such notables as the aforementioned Jimmy Carter and the inventor of the internet, Al Gore, is now without any credibility at all. President Obama has done absolutely nothing other than spew a bunch of hot air into the atmosphere, which should anger all of his “green” friends. He is nothing more than a celebrity who was banking on his personality and likability to convince such despots as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Hugo Chavez to stop doing bad things. “Hello, may I speak to Mahmoud? Mahmoud, how are you? It’s Barack. Obama. Barack Obama, the President of the United States? Yeah, hey. Look, I just wanted to call and ask you if you would mind not doing all the bad stuff  you’ve been doing. I’m a pretty well-connected guy and can get you tickets to a Springsteen concert if you promise to not shoot Israel with some sort of really powerful bomb. Sweet! Thanks! I can trust you, right? I’m just kidding, I know you’re a stand-up guy. Tell the Ayatollah I said wassup! Right, O-B-A-M-A. My middle name is Hussein. Yeah!  I knew you’d like that! Have a good one. Bye.”

I have several baseball and football trophies from when I was a kid that I’m going to give away as awards and I’m going to call them the Hanky Prizes. I’m going to give them to some of my friends who’ve done nice things for me over the years. I know they’ll be excited! After all, now I can say that the Hanky Prize has every bit as much prestige as the Nobel Prize!

Jimmy Carter is a moron. In an interview with NBC he said, “I think an overwhelming portion of the intensely demonstrated animosity toward President Barack Obama is based on the fact that he is a black man.”

Balderdash!

For a former President to level such an accusation at what is a quite large number of Americans demonstrates ignorance on his part. Even President Obama disagrees with former President Carter’s assertion that those of us who disagree with his policies are all card-toting racists. Are there those who dislike the president based on the color of his skin? Unequivocally, yes. Is it a large number? I don’t think so. At least not relative to the number of those of us who disagree with the president’s views based on nothing more than the fact that we have a different idea of what we think is best for America.

The race card is played far too often by many on the left. It is for no other reason than to demonize those people who disagree with them. As crazy as it sounds, most people, even here in the south, have long since recovered from the issues of the civil war and civil rights era. I can honestly say, as a lifelong Alabamian, that I don’t know a single person who has a bed sheet with eye and mouth holes cut out of it hanging in their closet. If they do, they hide it quite well. Racism will never be eliminated from society. It will always exist in some form or other. To think it can be eliminated is naive. It simply cannot, however, be constantly used as the reason someone disagrees or expresses dissatisfaction with something someone of another race does or says. Not the way that Jimmy Carter and so many others use it.

There are those of us who happen to think that the road that this president and administration would have us take as a country would be detrimental to society. We ought to be able to disagree with this president without being branded as someone who hates black people! As hard as it may to believe, it has nothing at all to do with the fact that he is our first multi-racial president. I disagreed with much of what Bill Clinton wanted to do and accomplish as president. You don’t get much more white and southern than the ol’ slickster!

My advice to those who scream racism at every turn would be to consider this: Continue to use racism as the reason for everything that happens that you don’t like and you will eventually begin to create racism in people where it did not exist before. People may grow so weary of being labeled the dreaded “r” word that they may just decide that since they are going to be called one every time they speak out, they might as well become one. They won’t be burning crosses on your lawn or joining white supremacist groups. It won’t be an overt racism and likely will have little, if anything to do with the color of your skin. It will be a kind of de facto racism which will essentially eliminate any respect they may have had for you and your cause or beliefs. Whatever sympathy that may have existed in them for your plight, whatever that may be, will be replaced by contempt at constantly being labeled something as vile as a racist. The endless claims of racism are becoming quite irksome.

As always, these are my opinions and they certainly could be wrong. Regardless of that, Jimmy Carter and his not-so-merry band of race-baiting rabble-rousers would do well to learn how to actually explain and defend their views and plans rather than try to discredit anyone who disagrees with them. It is very unbecoming of a former president and statesman. I wish I could say it surprises me but then I’d be lying.

Excellent piece in The American Spectator on Bradley Byrne. Definitely worth a read. Alabama Byrne-ing by Quin Hillyer

What did you think about President Obama’s speech to the joint session of congress last night? How about an honest discussion on the issue of health care?

I was only able to watch a few minutes but I did notice two things. One is probably quite trivial but I’m going to mention it anyway. This president comes across to me as being rather, shall we say, self-assured. He is a very good public speaker, the likes of which we haven’t really had since Ronald Reagan. Unlike President Reagan however, President Obama seems to communicate his ideas in a way that comes across as more than a little arrogant, as if he can’t believe the whole country doesn’t simply trust him and fall in line behind him on this or any other issue. President Reagan, from all that I’ve read and heard from those who knew him and worked with him, Republicans and Democrats alike, could speak to someone in a way that made them at least want to believe that what he said was right even if they really didn’t. I realize how inane this point may seem. Just one of my observations.

There was also some irony. I will acknowledge that the comment by Rep. Joe Wilson of South Carolina was inappropriate. I will also acknowledge that I might have done the same thing under the circumstances. This is an emotional, heated debate that has involved and captivated practically everyone in the country and I would hope that a small outburst would be forgivable even if it did push the boundaries of decorum. It seems no one is without a strong opinion and most of us are still unclear on what exactly health care reform will entail. The irony is that amid the great hue and cry over Rep. Wilson’s impromptu remark, it seems to have gone unnoticed, or at least unacknowledged, that the president stood on national television and essentially called anyone who might question the specifics of this bill a liar. A tad sanctimonious, don’t you think?

I’ll delve into things a little more in detail when I’ve had a chance to read/hear more of what the president said. As for now, what are your thought? I’d really like to hear from you.

(You grammar police have fun with this one as I didn’t feel like proofreading it!)

The ACLU or Americans United for the Separation of Church and State or some other extreme left-wing group is always calling for God’s name or prayer or any other demonstration of Christian faith to be banned or banished or ruled unconstitutional. An example is the recent story of a principal and coach in Pace, Florida facing possible jail time for praying at what may or may not have been a school function(which is irrelevant, in my opinion). This is only one of the most recent examples of the many, many times where someone is offended or threatened by something like this.

How in the world is a prayer offensive or threatening? Who goes home at night and says, “The principal of the high school prayed today! I almost wet my pants out of sheer terror! I’ll bear these scars for the rest of my life!” Was this person picked on as a child and are they simply looking to exact revenge of some sort on the rest of the world?

I refuse to believe that someone is so offended or threatened by an expression of faith in Christ, whether that is in the form of a prayer or the quoting of a Bible verse or something printed on a t-shirt, that they feel they may be damaged if they should be exposed to it again. So, they get an attorney and they file a lawsuit and get extremist organizations like those mentioned above involved and valuable time and money is wasted so that they won’t get their tender little heart broken again.

Guess what? I don’t care for having to walk by magazine stands in grocery stores or drug stores with my children and have them see what could almost be considered soft-core pornography on the covers of several magazines that are prominently displayed there.

I don’t like hearing someone’s loud, booming music with lyrics that are often vulgar and misogynist while I’m sitting at a gas station or at a traffic light.

I don’t like having to explain to my three year old daughter what those things are that are hanging off the back of the pickup truck, obviously of the male variety, in front of us.

I don’t like all of the vile, tasteless stickers that I see on so many cars these days, often with a cartoon character urinating on something the driver of the vehicle obviously is not fond of.

I don’t like that TV and radio advertisements use language and subject matter that is inappropriate for family viewing and/or listening. Not just late at night, but at all hours.

I don’t like these things but they neither scar me or scare me. I understand that things like this will happen throughout my life and the lives of my wife and children and I deal with it. I am trying to teach my children to do the same.

My advice to those who wear their fragile hearts on their sleeves is this: Toughen up and grow up! Between 75 and 80 percent of Americans identify themselves as “Christian.” You’re bound to hear a prayer now and again and will likely see a Nativity scene displayed prominently somewhere during the Christmas season. Maybe even on some courthouse lawn somewhere. If this offends you when it happens, stop, take a breath, and remember that you are in a small, small minority. If it’s a prayer that offends you, “amen” is coming soon. If it’s a Christmas Nativity scene, it’ll be boxed up and in a storage room somewhere in just a few weeks. Last time I checked, there were no uniformed national guardsmen at each place forcing you to worship a God in whom you don’t believe or don’t care to worship publicly. You may turn and freely walk away when you see fit. You may keep your eyes open during the prayer or plug your ears if you wish. I have done both in certain situations and actually lived to tell about it.

Imagine that.

Matt Schulz, age 36, of 1501 Taylor Oaks Circle, was arrested and charged with soliciting prostitution during a sting Thursday, Aug. 20, 2009.

I saw this picture in the paper last week and thought it was very funny for some reason. Thought I’d put it up for all of you to share in the joy while I finish a post concerning the large group of Americans who are very easily offended.

Anyway, this picture is from the Montgomery Advertiser, via the Montgomery Police Department, from a prostitution sting last week.

I’ve seen a lot of mug shots in newspapers and on TV which are quite funny. This one jumped out at me for some reason and is begging for a caption.

I’ve never been particularly good at the whole “CAPTION THIS PIC” thing. Maybe some of you are. What was this guy saying or thinking when this picture was being taken?

This article is in today’s Montgomery Advertiser. What do you think about the prospect of spending a large amount of money on additions to a brand new school, during proration and a struggling economy, when there are ten empty and unused classrooms at Wetumpka Elementary School? Is the Elmore County BOE being a good steward of public funds? Is there another solution? Is this much ado about nothing? Share your thoughts.

The Elmore County Board of Education, an equal opportunity employer, will hold a special called board meeting on Monday, August 31, 2009, at 6:00 p.m., in the Elmore County Board of Education Board Room, located at 100 H. H. Robison Drive, Wetumpka, AL. The purpose of the meeting is to consider the 2009-2010 budget, capital plan, and personnel items.

Board Plans to Expand Redland School

Dreams are weird. Not just content-wise, though that can be incredibly strange. As the late, great comedian Mitch Hedberg said: “I hate dreaming, because when you wanna sleep, you wanna sleep. Dreaming is work, you know? Like there I am, laying in my comfortable bed in my hotel room… next thing I know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.” I get that. That’s funny and it’s also true. But that’s not the only weird thing about dreaming.

It’s amazing the things our brains do while we sleep. It’s kind of like the first time your parents decided you were old enough to stay home alone while they went shopping. You were into everything. Rambling through the bottom of the china cabinet. Climbing up on top of the house, just because you could. Going up in the attic and walking around. Stuff that you didn’t get to do when mom and dad were around. I think our brains work that way when we go to sleep. They do all the things that we usually don’t let them do when we are awake.

Last night I accidentally fell asleep with a cough drop in my mouth. Sometime in the middle of the night I dreamed I was eating jelly beans. I know, it makes no sense. Anyway, my brain made my sleeping mouth believe that it needed to chew the jelly beans. The crunching inside my head from the chewing of the cough drop, measuring only a few decibels less than what I imagine a freight train crashing into a fireworks factory might sound like, woke me up immediately. Now, not only am I awake in the middle of the night, but I’m disappointed that I don’t have a bag of jelly beans and my throat is frozen from chewing up a cough drop.

Not very long ago I had a dream that someone was stealing my car. In my dream, I ran outside to stop the culprit. I yelled at the guy to stop but all that came out was a sound that would probably be spelled something like, “MUHHH!” The best way I can describe it is that it was sort of a man-scream, voiced in a sort of really loud, falsetto growl. If you felt something tickling your chest and you looked down the front of your shirt to see a large, hairy spider staring back at you, you would likely make a sound similar to this as you danced around wildly while ripping your shirt off. Ask me the next time you see me and I will demonstrate the sound. On about scream number three, I woke up to find my wife, who had sat bolt upright in bed(I’ve always wanted to use that phrase), staring at me and asking with only a hint of panic in her voice if I was okay. I told her that someone had been trying to steal my car and I was trying to chase them off. It only took her about twenty minutes to stop laughing uncontrollably at which point I reminded her of the time she woke me up as she was “sweeping the worms out of the bed” using her pillow as a broom(insert giant marshmallow joke here).

We’ve all been there. Whether swinging wildly in a dream fight and perhaps landing a blow on an unsuspecting, unfortunate sleeping spouse or walking through the dream mall and suddenly realizing that we have no pants on. Funny how in the latter we never realize we are pantsless until we are standing at the Great American Cookie Company ordering a chocolate chip double-doozie, usually in the middle of a Christmas Eve type crowd. You’d think some dream person in the parking lot would have given us a heads up on that. Turns out dream people don’t want to get involved any more than actual people do.

Dream people are just a bunch of jerks. Myoclonic jerks, even.

Sleep tight and sweet dreams!

“I, David William Hedrick, a member of the silent majority, decided that I was not going to be silent anymore. So, I let U.S. Congressman Brian Baird have it. I was one questioner out of 38, that was called at random from an audience that started at 3,000 earlier in the evening. Not expecting to be called on, I quickly scratched what I wanted to say on a borrowed piece of paper and with a pen that I borrowed from someone else in the audience minutes before I spoke. So much for the planned talking points of the right wing conspiracy.”