I probably have mentioned some of these before. Oh, well. I’m in that kind of mood. Shall we begin? Let’s!
- Anyone who parks in a handicapped space who isn’t handicapped. Especially when there are ten empty non-handicapped spaces within thirty feet.
- People who purposely park in two spaces because their car is so nice they don’t want it to get dinged. I’ve got news for you buddy, I will go out of my way to ding you if I can squeeze into one of the spots next to you.
- People who let a door shut in my face and don’t at least give the obligatory “I’d rather be walking away from this door but since I saw you coming I’m going to awkwardly stretch backward and hold it for you until you touch it” move.
- People who don’t at least mumble a half-hearted “thank you” when I awkwardly stretch backward to hold the door for them.
- People who blow their nose in a restaurant. For goodness’ sake, I’m trying to eat here. Can’t you at least go to the restroom to irrigate your sinuses?
- When I pass someone in a hallway of some sort, like maybe at church or at one of my kids’ schools, and they don’t answer at all when I say hello or good morning. You can tell by looking at the eyes of these people before they ever get to you. They are doing everything they can, including staring at the wall, to keep from acknowledging you in any shape, form, or fashion. I promise I’m not going to hug you. I’m just attempting to exchange pleasantries with you. I am happily married and not looking for a date.
- I don’t like it when someone comes out of a restroom, this, too, happens a lot at church, and wants to shake my hand. I understand that you washed your hands and probably didn’t even get any on your hands anyway. Still, there needs to be at least an hour grace period before you present your hand to me to touch. I don’t like shaking hands anyway. I think it’s an outdated concept that needs to be done away with. I hold hands with my wife(every now and again) and my kids. That’s enough pda for me(that’s public display of affection for the uninitiated).
- Loud people in public places. This is another one of the things that just screams, literally and figuratively, I’M HORRIBLY OBNOXIOUS! If you want to include me in your conversation about your trip to Savannah then you should invite me to sit at your table and pay for my dinner. Otherwise, turn the volume down a few hundred decibels.
- People who smoke in public places. Inside and outside. Even if smoking is allowed there, you ought to be considerate enough to go off out of the way a bit to practice your smelly, deadly vice. I quit smoking almost fifteen years ago and no longer wish to stink of cigarette smoke(yes, it stinks). I shouldn’t have to walk through a haze of noxious fumes just to get my name on the waiting list at Texas Roadhouse.
- People who have stinky breath but insist on talking directly into your face.
- The ball caps with flat brims worn askew on teenage boys heads. Bend it a little and straighten it up. You don’t look cool. Trust me.
- Liberals, with apologies to my lefty friends.
There will be more I’m sure but I’m putting the soapbox away for now. Thanks for indulging me.