I get style. I understand trends. My goodness, I got my ear pierced in 1985 when it was just becoming okay for guys to do that. I’m out on the bleeding edge of style, man! What I don’t particularly get are some tattoos and tongue piercings.
I understand tattoos a bit more than I do piercing. There was a time, about 10 years or so ago, that, for about 7 minutes, I actually wanted a tattoo myself. I thought it would be cool to have a tattoo of Bucky Katt from the Get Fuzzy comic strip. I decided against it after a phone call to my wife when she responded by saying something along the lines of, “I’ll give you a tattoo of my fist in your neck!” Decision made.
Now, I don’t have an issue with someone who gets a tattoo on their leg or on their arm for people to see. Some of them look pretty cool, actually. I will say this, though, and no offense toward older folks with tattoos, but when I started seeing 75 year old men with NEW tattoos rather than the old bluish-green ones from 40 or 50 years ago that older folks are supposed to have, well, that sort of made them a little less cool. At least it did in my mind. Which brings up another concern. What happens when that really cool dream-catcher tat you got on your arm when you were 20 turns into something that looks like an odd colored hot-dog wiener with a feather sticking out of the top of it because of the inevitable skin sag that occurs with age? Or that Chinese symbol you got on the back of your neck? “How’d you get that big bruise on the back of your neck, Maw-maw?” “No, sweetie, that’s the Chinese symbol for Geritol.”
As I said, though, tattoos are usually okay with me. What I really don’t understand is why someone, anyone at all, would want a hole in their tongue. And how bad does that hurt? I have bitten my tongue while eating and almost passed out from the pain. I have a little bump on my tongue right now that is driving me crazy. I can’t imagine having someone take a sharp piece of metal and just jab it right through my tongue and then have a piece of jewelry in there clacking around. And why, oh, why, do those of you who have tongue rings always think I want to see it? So many of you are always sticking your tongue in and out and clickety-clacking that little ball around. Seems to me that food and other undesirable things could easily get stuck in there and cause all sorts of problems. Infection, inflammation, stinky breath! Who knows what else?!? Does it ever grow up the way ear piercings do or do you just have a hole in your tongue for the rest of your life? Belly button piercings I’m okay with. Even noses to some degree though it is a bit gross to think about. But a tongue…NO WAY!
Maybe I’m just not cool anymore. But to say that would be to assume that I once was cool. That’s not very likely so I guess I’m just an uptight old dude who just doesn’t get it. Maybe someone can fill me in on the allure of the tongue thing.